Mi Vida Loca

So Gracie is almost a year old. I can't believe we are getting to that stage. But some days I don't even feel like I know her yet. I have an amazing relationship with Noah. Now that he is 3.5 he can tell me what he wants and how he feels. He can tell me jokes and say that he loves me. He is quirky and sweet and knows just how to push my buttons to drive me crazy. At ten months old our Grace is an amazing baby. She is so happy and joyful to be around. And if you ask me just the most adorable thing EVER! I love her. I love to take care of her and dote on her. But the way I feel is somehow different then I did with Noah. Some of the excitement has worn off and I feel like it's a struggle daily to maintian the wonder I once felt when I held my firstborn in my arms.

I know that Grace doesn't know what is means to be a little person yet. She is so calm and mild-mannered that at times we forget she is even in the room. Except I don't want to forget. I want to know her like I knew Noah. I want her to know me....I remember when Noah was this age. Everything and everyday was devoted to learning about him, entertaining him and teaching him new things. These days my attention is divided. I feel guilty about this but I know this is how it has to be when there is more then one child. Not even Noah gets that kind of one on one attention anymore. And that is ok...different and hard at times but ok. I just want to make sure that I know Gracie like I knew Noah. I hope we are getting there....

I wonder if this is normal? Perhaps the fact that we have done this before has had an affect on me. These "firsts", while there are still first for Grace they are not first for me as a mother. And that to me seems horribly unfair to her. To think that our first child got all the excitment of new parents and all the applause and googly eyes we had to offer from not only from us but his grandparents as well. Gracie on the other hand gets a mom who is tired and frazzled and counting down the hours till naptime. And grandparents that have done this before... This just doesn't seem right. But at the same time I hold on to hope that someday we will just click.

I have been trying hard to make an effort to be present in the moments with both of my kids because I feel like I get busy and I forget that these two amazing human beings are just here, watching my every move and trusting me to show them the world. I say I am making an effort because I do have to make myself do it. So often its easy to yell over my shoulder to wait a second or just yell instructions because I'm too busy to look up. Too BUSY! Geez Jenn really! Adjusting to life with two kids is happening everyday whether I like it or not. Some days are of course busier then others. I just pray that our children will know that we value not only hard work but also making great memories together. I want them to reall know me because I spent their childhood treating them to moments of my undivided attention. I want to know them.

I can’t believe almost a whole year has gone by. In many ways, I have been in a fog trying to figure all of this out. Trying to be in the moment. Trying to forget other moments. But we are doing it. And I adore both of my kids and their daddy. This little family is the thing that keeps me going and the thing that stops me in my tracks. We are adjusting because honestly, what other choice do we have? We are not perfect. We are not a storybook, but our story is just that, ours. And I am beyond grateful to be a part of it.

10 months

Always talking

Dear Gracie,

You are 10 months old today! Where has the time gone!  I feel like for the longest time I was wishing this year away because it is such a big and crazy adjustment going from one to two kids, but I look back and realize just how much I have tried to treasure each moment that I get to spend with you and watch you grow.  Your personality is really shining through now.  You are pretty layed back compared to your brother BUT you will tell us with a loud scream when you want our attention.  It makes me laugh everytime because you do this fake cry thing and as soon as I say "whats wrong Gracie" you give this huge smile.  You are too cute sometimes!

Not much has changed since last month except that you now have 4 top teeth!  Its been a rough couple of weeks for you but you were such a trouper!  4 teeth at one time!!! WOW!  You are rolling and scooting all over the place and just this morning you got to your knees and starting rocking.  You will be crawling anyday now and I am so proud of you little girl!!!

You laugh all the time and it's the best sound ever!  You laugh at daddy when he kisses you and laugh all the time at your brother who is constantly trying to entertain you.  Its going to be an interesting household with two Leos fighting for attention!

Your daddy and I love to watch you explore and become excited about the littlest things.  You bring such great joy to our home and have completed our little family just right!  We love you our little Gracie Poo

Love Mommy

PS You have slept through the night since the day you turned 9 months old...I am in HEAVEN :P

This is the beautiful smile and facial expressions that make her so sweet!

The tricky thing called guilt....

Guilt seems to go hand in hand with being a mother. You feel guilty that you are not feeding your kid right, they're not getting enough or too much stimulation, that you are making mistakes that will turn your child into an axe wielding maniac when they're older. It's just crazy. I know it is not possible to completely erase guilt from my life but here are some things I absolutely refuse to feel guilty about.


1. Not able to breastfeed. Noah never got the hang of breastfeeding and even though I was pumping constantly, I would only get 1oz at a time. My body just didn't work how it should... So we switched him to formula. I cried for days about this. I was a terrible mom who couldn't even do this one thing for my child. If this was how parenthood was then I will pass. BUT My little guy went from screaming every time he ate to a more happy consistent eater. Sure breast is best and if you are able to then rock on with it. But if you can't, get over it and move on. I did just that with Grace. I tried...she was a great latcher but once again my milk was not consistent This time I said oh well and I didnt fret. I knew she woul be ok...breastfed or not..

2. Being a nazi about your kid's nap. I took a lot of crap from other people about my reluctance to mess with my kids naptime. I was told so many times that they will "learn to deal with sleeping while you're out". Well sorry, no. They didn't learn to deal with it and I ended up with a cranky over tired baby who didn't want to sleep at all. So I got pretty strict about naps. They both took naps in the crib. It didn't happen right away but we ended up with a pretty easy going babies who slept well 95% of the time.

3. Moving my kids out of my room and into their cribs in record time (Noah lasted only 2 days in our room!) Before Noah was born, I planned on keeping him in our room until he was at least three months old. Well at 2 days old I was ready to get him in his own room. He wasn't sleeping well and neither was I. He would wake up to our alarms or just general movement and I would wake to his every noise. It wasn't healthy for either one of us. Many people love co sleeping and do it for years. If it works for your family, awesome. It just wasn't right for us.


4. Needing time away from my kids, This is pretty darn important for my sanity. Even before I had them, I cherished my alone time. It didn't change after they arrived. Granted, it's a lot less common now but it is still necessary. For the first few weeks of both of their lives I thought I had to be around them at every minute and it was really stressing me out. I wasn't taking care of myself like I should have been and things began to suffer. My depressions worsened and it was taking it's toll on my marriage. So I started taking some me time. I went to Target by myself, which is not a good idea if you're on a budget. I went to the spa. Doesn't matter what you do but you have to put you first sometimes.


5. Being a working mom. I will never feel gulty about this. I love my job and not many people can say that. I always tell my co-workers that going to work is like having a day off. I am a much better mommy to my two when I am happy in what I am doing...this includes having a job outside of the home. Those moms that can stay at home all day I admire. I could not do this...I need the adult interaction...the feeling of accomplishment more so then just being a mom.




Guilt is a tricky thing to deal with especially when being a mom...I feel guilt about something everyday but I have realized that its time to let go of some of those things and just enjoy motherhood (without the guilt!)

8 years....

Eight years ago today I put on a dress that I absolutely adored. Eight years ago today I married the most amazing man, the love of my life.

This was our beautiful site...Paako Ridge Golf Course

Our cake! I picked this right out of a magazine and the lady made it perfectly!

The crazy kids!

Some people look back on their wedding day and say "it was the happiest day of my life". I look back and say "we had one hell of a party but it's only gotten better from there". Daniel, I'm so proud to be your wife. Your love has made me a better person, a more confident person. The love and support you give me on a daily basis continue to surprise me because I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve someone like you. You're an amazing husband, friend, father, and partner in crime and every day I thank God that you are in my life. I look forward to traveling this crazy journey of life with you and instead of saying "here's to eight more", I'm saying "here's to 80 more". Happy anniversary, my love!

Currently...

Currently...

What I'm listening to... Gotye "Somebody I Used to Know"  Im obsessed literally obsessed.  I could listen to this song all day long...but Noah get annoyed after awhile :P

What I'm eating... Still on Weight Watchers so nothing good ;) JK I am eating lots of my favorite fresh veggies and my protien shake every morning.  I still want to lose another 10-15 pounds and I am hoping I can really focus on that this summer.  I need to work out more so I plan to make that a priority especially now that Daniel is no longer in school! YAY!

What I'm watching... Da Da Dora!  I would rather be watching Fashion Star or Greys but this keeps Noah quiet long enough for me to blog :)

Thinking about... cutting my hours back to a .6 at work.  It scares me to give up that extra day because you never know with APS but I miss my babies and as everyone keeps telling me they are only young once and you miss so much.  It's days like today that make me long for more time with them.  BUT then there are those days that I think to myself "man I wish I were at work it would be so much easier".  Im sure every mother feels this way at one time or another.  Thinking...just thinking...

Loving...  My backyard....its so peaceful and nice.  I am anxiously awaiting the mornings we can all sit out there and the kids can play and I can drink my coffee and just enjoy them.  

Anticipating... Summer....We are planning so many fun trips!  We are going to the cabin with a group of friends and their kids at the end of this month...then its off to Amarillo for Daniel's cousins engagement party...then two weeks with The Topleys and Duvalls in Phoenix swimming and working on our tan.  Also going to Amarillo again for the 4th and up to Denver for my friend Brents wedding.  We will also be spending our days at the splash park, the zoo and aquarium, the local parks and hanging with family.  Its going to be a busy but fun three months!

Feeling thankful for... my husband. He worked long and hard for his degrees and I couldn't be more proud (or more happy that it is over!) Now on to our new normal.  Oh and celebrating our 8 year anniversary this month should be a good time too.  I have a couple cool surprises for him!

9 months

Dear Gracie,


You are nine months old!  I had a moment yesterday when I realized you have now been out of my tummy for the same time you were in it.  That was such a crazy thought.  You have grown and changed so much in the last 9 months, and you are so much fun to have around!  We love you dearly.  Here is what was going on at nine months...

You are a rolling machine.  Instead of trying to crawl you roll to whatever you want to get to.  And you think you are just awesome when you do it.  It cracks us up especially when you roll into places you can't get out of.  Boy you have your mommys temper :D
You still talk a lot and your screaming has slowed down thanks to your new mobility.  You say dada, baba, mama and are starting to associate people and things with these names.  You are starting to point to things, you wave bye bye, and you sound like you say hi a lot when someone walks in the room.  

You love to be down and playing.  You are a wiggle worm in my arms now and have a hard time being held when we are at home.

You are eating 16-20 oz a day now but your preferr "real food" over a bottle.  You eat three meals of table food a day, and have a couple of snacks.  You love to eat and clear your tray in no time. 

Your favorite thing is playing with your brother.  You love to take away what he has and take back what he takes from you.  It's lots of fun for mom too.  Except it would be more fun if no screaming was involved.  You love laughing with your brother and he loves to make you laugh! You have the biggest belly laugh and we could listen to it for hours.

You have three teeth now although the third tooth is an EYETOOTH! What??? You sure do roll to the beat of your own drum.  It looks like you have 4-5 other teeth coming in right now but you are a trouper through it.  The day you tuned 9 months you started sleeping all the way through the night...no having to get up for a paci no night feedings...I could totally get use to this!

You are in size 3 diapers still and are now wearing mostly 12 month clothing.  You are a very long girl which is exactly like your brother.  You are almost 20 pounds (whoa chubby bubby!) but I always say a chubby baby is a healthy baby!



You have a wonderful personality and are a joy to be around.  We have alot of fun trips planned for the summer so I hope you are as easy as your brother was and go with the flow!  


Love,
Your very lucky mommy

 You spend alot of time sitting and rolling on the rug

The happiest baby ever!

Mommy loves to dress me

Fun at school with my "sister" Chelsea

Love you my sweet gril

You are so beautiful

My cousin and friend Fo

8 months (a little late!)

Dear Grace,
You are eight months old! I feel like the last month went by really fast because of all the changes you have now accomplished. Here is a look at you at eight months old.

You are sitting now by yourself! Yay FINALLY! You sure do rock to the beat of you own drum and will do things as you please. We are sure in for it! You sit and play for hours. You lunge forward to grab things you want but once you are down there is no sitting back up so mommy needs to help.....You are beginning to get frustrated just sitting, but you have made no attempt to take off crawling.

You are loud. Like really loud. Your high pitch scream can break glass. And our ear drums. You scream when you want attention or just when you are happy and overly excited. You also talk and babble constantly. You have dada down pat and scream it when your daddy comes in the room. You are such a daddys girl and its so cute to watch! You have also been saying baba this month. We are working on mama. You are almost there on this one! I cant believe how much more verbal you are then your brother was!

We are working on signing for milk and you are doing pretty good at it. I hope this helps us more at night then anything else!

You are a very happy baby. You only get fussy when you are hungry or tired or when you need a change of activity. You love to laugh.

You are eating like crazy. I don't think there is anything that you have refused! And if you do refuse to eat anymore of anything I can just add some cereal to it and you gobble it down. You love to talk to us when you eat and love to blow food out of your mouth...you think its hysterical...me and daddy not so much :D

You still get up a couple times a night but not to eat just to get your paci and go back to sleep. Your daddy and I are taking every other night now so its been great getting at least one full nights sleep every other night. And then you will have some nights that you sleep the whole night! I hope to have more and more of these!

You are around 18-19 pounds. You are still in size 3 diapers and you wear 9 month and some 12 month clothing.

You LOVE your brother. You light up when he is around, you want whatever he has, and you love laughing and playing with him! I keep telling everyone you are going to be a tough girl because he is so rough sometimes with you. But you are a sweetie and just go along with the flow.

You are such a sweet little girl and so laid back. Its going to be exciting to see what the next couple of months bring. We love you so much Gracie and are thankful everyday that God gave you to us to love!

Love

Mommy