The tricky thing called guilt....

Guilt seems to go hand in hand with being a mother. You feel guilty that you are not feeding your kid right, they're not getting enough or too much stimulation, that you are making mistakes that will turn your child into an axe wielding maniac when they're older. It's just crazy. I know it is not possible to completely erase guilt from my life but here are some things I absolutely refuse to feel guilty about.


1. Not able to breastfeed. Noah never got the hang of breastfeeding and even though I was pumping constantly, I would only get 1oz at a time. My body just didn't work how it should... So we switched him to formula. I cried for days about this. I was a terrible mom who couldn't even do this one thing for my child. If this was how parenthood was then I will pass. BUT My little guy went from screaming every time he ate to a more happy consistent eater. Sure breast is best and if you are able to then rock on with it. But if you can't, get over it and move on. I did just that with Grace. I tried...she was a great latcher but once again my milk was not consistent This time I said oh well and I didnt fret. I knew she woul be ok...breastfed or not..

2. Being a nazi about your kid's nap. I took a lot of crap from other people about my reluctance to mess with my kids naptime. I was told so many times that they will "learn to deal with sleeping while you're out". Well sorry, no. They didn't learn to deal with it and I ended up with a cranky over tired baby who didn't want to sleep at all. So I got pretty strict about naps. They both took naps in the crib. It didn't happen right away but we ended up with a pretty easy going babies who slept well 95% of the time.

3. Moving my kids out of my room and into their cribs in record time (Noah lasted only 2 days in our room!) Before Noah was born, I planned on keeping him in our room until he was at least three months old. Well at 2 days old I was ready to get him in his own room. He wasn't sleeping well and neither was I. He would wake up to our alarms or just general movement and I would wake to his every noise. It wasn't healthy for either one of us. Many people love co sleeping and do it for years. If it works for your family, awesome. It just wasn't right for us.


4. Needing time away from my kids, This is pretty darn important for my sanity. Even before I had them, I cherished my alone time. It didn't change after they arrived. Granted, it's a lot less common now but it is still necessary. For the first few weeks of both of their lives I thought I had to be around them at every minute and it was really stressing me out. I wasn't taking care of myself like I should have been and things began to suffer. My depressions worsened and it was taking it's toll on my marriage. So I started taking some me time. I went to Target by myself, which is not a good idea if you're on a budget. I went to the spa. Doesn't matter what you do but you have to put you first sometimes.


5. Being a working mom. I will never feel gulty about this. I love my job and not many people can say that. I always tell my co-workers that going to work is like having a day off. I am a much better mommy to my two when I am happy in what I am doing...this includes having a job outside of the home. Those moms that can stay at home all day I admire. I could not do this...I need the adult interaction...the feeling of accomplishment more so then just being a mom.




Guilt is a tricky thing to deal with especially when being a mom...I feel guilt about something everyday but I have realized that its time to let go of some of those things and just enjoy motherhood (without the guilt!)

8 years....

Eight years ago today I put on a dress that I absolutely adored. Eight years ago today I married the most amazing man, the love of my life.

This was our beautiful site...Paako Ridge Golf Course

Our cake! I picked this right out of a magazine and the lady made it perfectly!

The crazy kids!

Some people look back on their wedding day and say "it was the happiest day of my life". I look back and say "we had one hell of a party but it's only gotten better from there". Daniel, I'm so proud to be your wife. Your love has made me a better person, a more confident person. The love and support you give me on a daily basis continue to surprise me because I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve someone like you. You're an amazing husband, friend, father, and partner in crime and every day I thank God that you are in my life. I look forward to traveling this crazy journey of life with you and instead of saying "here's to eight more", I'm saying "here's to 80 more". Happy anniversary, my love!

Currently...

Currently...

What I'm listening to... Gotye "Somebody I Used to Know"  Im obsessed literally obsessed.  I could listen to this song all day long...but Noah get annoyed after awhile :P

What I'm eating... Still on Weight Watchers so nothing good ;) JK I am eating lots of my favorite fresh veggies and my protien shake every morning.  I still want to lose another 10-15 pounds and I am hoping I can really focus on that this summer.  I need to work out more so I plan to make that a priority especially now that Daniel is no longer in school! YAY!

What I'm watching... Da Da Dora!  I would rather be watching Fashion Star or Greys but this keeps Noah quiet long enough for me to blog :)

Thinking about... cutting my hours back to a .6 at work.  It scares me to give up that extra day because you never know with APS but I miss my babies and as everyone keeps telling me they are only young once and you miss so much.  It's days like today that make me long for more time with them.  BUT then there are those days that I think to myself "man I wish I were at work it would be so much easier".  Im sure every mother feels this way at one time or another.  Thinking...just thinking...

Loving...  My backyard....its so peaceful and nice.  I am anxiously awaiting the mornings we can all sit out there and the kids can play and I can drink my coffee and just enjoy them.  

Anticipating... Summer....We are planning so many fun trips!  We are going to the cabin with a group of friends and their kids at the end of this month...then its off to Amarillo for Daniel's cousins engagement party...then two weeks with The Topleys and Duvalls in Phoenix swimming and working on our tan.  Also going to Amarillo again for the 4th and up to Denver for my friend Brents wedding.  We will also be spending our days at the splash park, the zoo and aquarium, the local parks and hanging with family.  Its going to be a busy but fun three months!

Feeling thankful for... my husband. He worked long and hard for his degrees and I couldn't be more proud (or more happy that it is over!) Now on to our new normal.  Oh and celebrating our 8 year anniversary this month should be a good time too.  I have a couple cool surprises for him!

9 months

Dear Gracie,


You are nine months old!  I had a moment yesterday when I realized you have now been out of my tummy for the same time you were in it.  That was such a crazy thought.  You have grown and changed so much in the last 9 months, and you are so much fun to have around!  We love you dearly.  Here is what was going on at nine months...

You are a rolling machine.  Instead of trying to crawl you roll to whatever you want to get to.  And you think you are just awesome when you do it.  It cracks us up especially when you roll into places you can't get out of.  Boy you have your mommys temper :D
You still talk a lot and your screaming has slowed down thanks to your new mobility.  You say dada, baba, mama and are starting to associate people and things with these names.  You are starting to point to things, you wave bye bye, and you sound like you say hi a lot when someone walks in the room.  

You love to be down and playing.  You are a wiggle worm in my arms now and have a hard time being held when we are at home.

You are eating 16-20 oz a day now but your preferr "real food" over a bottle.  You eat three meals of table food a day, and have a couple of snacks.  You love to eat and clear your tray in no time. 

Your favorite thing is playing with your brother.  You love to take away what he has and take back what he takes from you.  It's lots of fun for mom too.  Except it would be more fun if no screaming was involved.  You love laughing with your brother and he loves to make you laugh! You have the biggest belly laugh and we could listen to it for hours.

You have three teeth now although the third tooth is an EYETOOTH! What??? You sure do roll to the beat of your own drum.  It looks like you have 4-5 other teeth coming in right now but you are a trouper through it.  The day you tuned 9 months you started sleeping all the way through the night...no having to get up for a paci no night feedings...I could totally get use to this!

You are in size 3 diapers still and are now wearing mostly 12 month clothing.  You are a very long girl which is exactly like your brother.  You are almost 20 pounds (whoa chubby bubby!) but I always say a chubby baby is a healthy baby!



You have a wonderful personality and are a joy to be around.  We have alot of fun trips planned for the summer so I hope you are as easy as your brother was and go with the flow!  


Love,
Your very lucky mommy

 You spend alot of time sitting and rolling on the rug

The happiest baby ever!

Mommy loves to dress me

Fun at school with my "sister" Chelsea

Love you my sweet gril

You are so beautiful

My cousin and friend Fo

8 months (a little late!)

Dear Grace,
You are eight months old! I feel like the last month went by really fast because of all the changes you have now accomplished. Here is a look at you at eight months old.

You are sitting now by yourself! Yay FINALLY! You sure do rock to the beat of you own drum and will do things as you please. We are sure in for it! You sit and play for hours. You lunge forward to grab things you want but once you are down there is no sitting back up so mommy needs to help.....You are beginning to get frustrated just sitting, but you have made no attempt to take off crawling.

You are loud. Like really loud. Your high pitch scream can break glass. And our ear drums. You scream when you want attention or just when you are happy and overly excited. You also talk and babble constantly. You have dada down pat and scream it when your daddy comes in the room. You are such a daddys girl and its so cute to watch! You have also been saying baba this month. We are working on mama. You are almost there on this one! I cant believe how much more verbal you are then your brother was!

We are working on signing for milk and you are doing pretty good at it. I hope this helps us more at night then anything else!

You are a very happy baby. You only get fussy when you are hungry or tired or when you need a change of activity. You love to laugh.

You are eating like crazy. I don't think there is anything that you have refused! And if you do refuse to eat anymore of anything I can just add some cereal to it and you gobble it down. You love to talk to us when you eat and love to blow food out of your mouth...you think its hysterical...me and daddy not so much :D

You still get up a couple times a night but not to eat just to get your paci and go back to sleep. Your daddy and I are taking every other night now so its been great getting at least one full nights sleep every other night. And then you will have some nights that you sleep the whole night! I hope to have more and more of these!

You are around 18-19 pounds. You are still in size 3 diapers and you wear 9 month and some 12 month clothing.

You LOVE your brother. You light up when he is around, you want whatever he has, and you love laughing and playing with him! I keep telling everyone you are going to be a tough girl because he is so rough sometimes with you. But you are a sweetie and just go along with the flow.

You are such a sweet little girl and so laid back. Its going to be exciting to see what the next couple of months bring. We love you so much Gracie and are thankful everyday that God gave you to us to love!

Love

Mommy

Bullying

I was always shy, goofy and awkward. Afraid to stand up for myself. (I know hard to believe huh!) I had friends but I would never say I was "popular". Especially in elementary and middle school. High school is a different story. I think in high school I finally found my voice (literally!) and started figuring out who I was a person. I stopped putting up with people who were just down right mean and I knew I didn't have to be friends with them anymore.

But lets go back to those middle school years. They were HELL for me and I mean per hell. I was a big dork. I had braces and wore glasses. I mean look at me!!! Look at that hair! And I thought it looked so good too!!! I remember one day my mom had left early and my dad was getting us ready for school. So I sprayed my bangs straight up and wore really tight clothing. I never did that again. I was made fun of all day. And here I was only trying to fit in.

Kids were brutal in middle school. They would make fun of me for what I wore, how I talked and basically who I was as a person. I can honestly say that I dont think I would have made it if not for my sister. I know I was suppose to be the big sister who took care of her little sis but it was the other way around for us. Kim was always the "cool" one. She hung out with the most popular kids of the school and because she is so kind even the kids who weren't popular loved her! But if someone was mean to me or said anything to me I only had to mention it once to her and it would all stop. I don't know if she threatened to kill them or what but I can tell you that whatever she did say they would no longer say a thing to me. So for that I am eternally greatful. Not everyone has a Kimmy. The torture these people put me through goes way beyond what I wrote. I still feel the scars in me. I'm still hurt and angry with them. I feel sorry for thier kids. Will they end up being bullies too? I'm still effected by things that were said to me to this day. I won't wear something again if anyone makes a rude comment about it. I wish I didnt let people still effect me but I still think that shy little girl is in thier somewhere. I hope one day I can look in the mirror and say well they can chose to say what they want because I love myself and Im going to be myself like it or not!


Being young is hard enough. I didnt need any help feeling more insecure about myself. I don't thank them for anything. I could say that they helped shape me into the person I am today but those feelings and the sadness I felt when I was young were terrible. I shaped who I am...I chose to say no more and I chose to have a voice. I chose to say this is me... Im sorry you dont like it now go away please.

Sadly many kids don't have a chance or cant say "no more" to bullies Their bullies won't stop. I see this everyday where I work. I think this is one of the many reasons I chose to work at a middle school. Face those demons head on. And also to be a guiding support for those who didn't have a Kimmy in their lives. I hope I can be an inspiration to them. I hope I can encourage them as well as my own children to speak up for themselves, to be an individual and to be ok with what God has blessed them with. I hope my two will never have to go through what I did as a kid. I hope they never have to endure the pain of hating who you are and wishing you were someone else. I want to protect them and keep them safe. The best I know how to do this is to share my stories with them. To share how it felt to be bullied.

Who would have thought that this dorky insecre girl could have turned out so great...NOT ME :)

Have you heard about this movie? I’m planning on seeing this documentary, BULLY. I have a feeling it will be a film that I think should be shared in all schools.


Thanks to The Bullying Project for inspiring my blog today! (http://www.thebullyproject.com/)

7 months

My dear Gracie poo,

Wow 7 months old I cant believe how fast time has flown although I should remember it from your brother but it seems as though it has gone by so much faster with you. You are just getting more and more fun everyday. You are so happy and everyone that comes in contact with you says how happy and content you seem. We are so blessed let me tell you! Here is a glimpse of you at seven months old!

You still do not roll from your back to your tummy but can roll from side to side with ease. I think you are just content where you are and when you are ready you will do it.

You are sitting on your own for a good couple seconds until you get excited and then down you go. Its so cute to watch you try these new things and see the wonder in your eyes when you get them down. You will be sitting in no time now which will be different because sitting leads to crawling and crawling leads to walking...two mobile kids OH MY!

We went to the gastro specialist to check on your acid reflux and he said you didn't need your medicine anymore and that the more you ate solids the better you would feel. This was such a relief to us. You seem so much happier now (tummy wise) and that is wonderful! Now you are eating "real" people food like its going out of style. You love fruits and veggies and tried chicken for the first time the other night. The only thing I have seen you refuse to eat is bananas which is the polar opposite of your brother. How can such two different babies come from the same mom and dad! This is baffling to me! You love to sit at the table with us and talk and laugh.

You still get up at night (come on girl lets get this one down!) about 3-4 times although since we introduced the paci we only feed you one of those times. As soon as you can find your paci and put it back in yourself I think we may just start sleeping. Im crossing my fingers that day will come soon although Im not holding my breath :P

You wear 6-9 month clothing but are getting a little too long for those 6 month old stuff. I never thought I would say this but it is so much fun to dress a little girl. To shop for the cutest clothes and put bows in your hair...its just too fun and I love it (yes Kim you were right blah blah)

You are such a joy to be around. I can not wait to see what the next months bring. I love you more then words can ever say!

Love mommy