Currently

Obsessing over: Losing these last ten pounds!!!! UGH it's so hard

Working on: Studying for my LISW exam and writing my paper to increase my pay by 10,000 buckaroos!  

Thinking about: What to do about my sweet boy who now hates school and cries every time we drop him off :(

Anticipating: Halloween!  Noah will have so much fun trick or treating and the girls are going to be ADORBS in their outfits!

Listening to:  Ron Pope...this guys voice is AMAZING!  I love him!

Drinking:  My protein shake

Wishing:  I could take away whatever is scaring Noah...bring back my sweet boy!

Happy Tuesday my friends!  Make it a good one...

Jenn

I believe...

I believe.......

I believe in Karma...what you give is what you get in return.

I believe that my parents did the best job they knew how to do

and I believe that my children will think this of us when they get to be adults.

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument....

I believe that alot of us place our happiness in other people's hands...

I believe my friends can get me through anything..

I believe you have to get burned to appreciate true love

I believe that you don't know how deep your love can be until you have had a child....

I believe hard times make you a stronger more confident person...

I believe my family is worth more then all the money in the world....

I believe this is the happiest I have ever been...

I believe forgiveness is the key to unhappiness...let the anger go

I believe hot yoga had helped me realize how much anger I still hold on to...

I believe God will provide for us at our hardest times...if you only ask!

I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner!

I believe if you do what you love everything else will just fall into place...

I believe people are actually good at heart...

I believe I still hold on to that mommy guilt...sad but true!

I believe that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest of distances...

I believe its taken me a long time to get to the person I want to be....

I believe you should always leave loved ones with three words "I love you"...you never know if you will see them again...

I believe my best friend and I can do anything or nothing at all and still have a fabulous time...

I believe that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being...

I believe to count your blessings not your troubles...

What do you believe????

I

"Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the democrats believe every day is April 15" 
Ronald Reagan 

We made it...The big 1 year old!!!

You are so beautiful

Dear Gracie Poo,

You are one year!!!  Yay we made it!  It was so fast too.   I remember the first year with Noah being so much longer.   It is true that the years keep speeding up!  We had such a great time at your first bday party.  Noah and your bdays are so close together that we decided to have a joint party...Pirates and Princesses.  It was so much fun.  Here are some pictures from that day!

Our pirates!

He's such a dork!

Mommy the wench!

Sophia loved helping you open gifts

A new unicorn!

You and Miss Chelsea

You love your daddy

We have not gone to see the dr yet for your 12 month shots but we did go to the orthopedic to see about your neck and hip.  Miss Chelsea came along with mommy to help and thank goodness she did we had to hold you down for them to take an xray.  You my dear only want to be moving!  The Dr said that everything looked great though.  Your hip is perfect now and your neck as well.  So we are done having to go see her YAY!  At that appt you weighed 20 pounds and were 28 inches long.  You are wearing 12-18 month clothing and size 4 diapers.  You are starting to cut out bottles and the days you are at daycare you don't even take one (Im a big girl mommy!)  Your personality is starting to really shine.  You have a temper on you and if you don't get what you want...watch out world!  You get that from your daddy hahahaha I can not wait to see what this year brings.  If it was as good as the last then life will be just grand.  We love you Gracie Poo!

Love,
Mommy

The big 4...where has the time gone!

Noah Bruce Topley,

You are four!  How can that be!  We have had the pleasure of being your parents for four years now...I can't even remember how life was before you graced us with your precence.  The last four years have been wonderful.  You are a smart, energetic and funny little person now.  You are a kind boy who is not afraid to show that you love others.  You make friends easily and quickly.  You love your sister although at times I think you may kill her but she has survived :)  You are a home body and would rather stay in your PJ's then get dressed.  Some days I let you do just that...because who doesn't LOVE a PJ day!  You are starting Pre-K in a couple days.  You seem nervous about it but I know you will do wonderful (don't worry I'm nervous too...you and I kid don't like change do we!)  You are my sweet googily bear and I love you more then I could ever love anything in this world.  You were my first baby and will always be my little love.  Happy Birthday my sweet boy!

THE birthdays...

I've been trying to write this post for a week now but with two very active kids that I am constantly chasing after it's been difficult.  I feel as if every part of my day now is filled with "Noah do not tackle your sister" or "Grace we do not put electrical cords in our mouth" Awwww the life of a SAHM....when do I start back to work? Momma needs a break...BAD!

So anyways in between yelling at the kids and cuddling them all in the same I have been working my ass off at trying to get their birthday party together.  I decided this year to just have them at the same time...one big bang...its not like Grace will know the difference and Noah said he was fine with it so alas here it goes!  I decided on a theme for the party...pirates and princesses.  Cute huh!  I have been surfing the web for ideas on decorations, games etc.  And thats where this post comes in.  Who in the hell decided that in order to have a birthday party for your kids you had to go all out.  Games, cute cupcakes with the theme printed on them, gift bags, wreaths, etc.  What ever happened to good ol fashion open you damn gift kid and eat some cake.  Now I have to give a gift to every kid that comes to a birthday party??? WTF!  What has our society come to??? A kid can't just come celebrate their friends party they have to get something out of it!  SMH!  And I have to entertain them the entire time? Can't they just run around and entertain eachother while I drink my bottle, I mean glass, of wine!

BUT I don't want to jip my kids...I don't want them going to another friends done up brithday party and coming home saying wow mom why didn't you ever do something like that for us.  So I'm working my ass off to make this the best damn theme party ever.  Get ready my friends bc its gonna be cute!  Oh and those of my friends who are bringing your kids to the party the gift bags are filled with candy..have fun with that :D

11 months...we're almost there!

Dear Gracie,


My sweet sweet girl where has this year gone.  It feels like I was just holding you for the first time and now look at you. Growing up in front of our eyes.  Your personality is showing itself and it is so much fun to see how full of life you are.  We are going to have great laughs as a family!


You are crawling now finally...not everywhere yet but you are getting it down.  You get frustrated when you can't get to something you want but you always figure a way to do it.  You do not sit still and it is a pain in the butt to feed you.  You are always grabbing for stuff to put in your mouth or putting your own hands in your mouth and pulling food out.  I can't wait till this stage is over...YUCK!


You talk all the time...you say mama and dada and hi.  You love to wave and do it all the time.  It's adorable.  You scream at your brother when you want his attention and say the same "words" to him so I think thats his name. Ha!


You still laugh all the time and it is the best sound ever.  I don't know a person who has not commented on what a happy baby you are and for this we are so blessed!


You eat everything in sight.  I don't know a thing that you have said no to now.  You would eat all day long if we let you.  You still have 3-4 bottles a day and still love to cuddle and lay your head on our shoulders.  It is so sweet.


You now have six teeth and are on your way to getting 2 more.  You are actually a great teether knock on wood and still sleep through the night even during those terrible teeth.  

You are wearing mostly size 12-18month clothes, and size 3 diapers.  I have no idea what size shoe you wear - I might need to figure that out soon. :)  You weigh around 20-21 pounds...our little chunky monkey!

You are a total ball of energy and so much fun to have around.  We love watching you explore and become excited about the littlest things.  You bring great joy to our home.  We love you, Grace.

Love,
Mommy

On the Road Again...

Summer time in the Topley household is all about travel!  That is one of the reasons I wanted to work for the schools so that I would have the summers off to travel.  Luckily I married a man who loves to travel as well.  So every summer we take at least one week long vacation.  This summer we did two and we still have two more to go!  Our first stop was Phoenix...I know you are thinking Phoenix in the summer!  Well ya!  We own a timeshare through Starwood properties and they have a wonderful resort that we stay at.  It has three pools, two water slides and fun galore.  We have a great time just laying by the pool and enjoying each others company.  This year Daniel's family tagged along as well.  We had over 12 people partying it up with us.  It was a great time.  Here are some pictures from our trip.

Jenny and our little love Julia

Lazy river is fun for all!

Every morning we had a baby convention!

My two sister in laws and Julia (4months)

We went to watch the bagepipes every night

Me and my love sitting by the pool

Yes I have fun!

The view from our cabana

Cutie

Love her hair in this one!

Our next trip was to Amarillo for the 4th of July.  We do this every year with Daniel's family.  They have a nice cabin about 20 mins out of town that we get to enjoy.  Its always fun filled and exciting to go.  Noah loves it and its great to see him getting close to Daniel's Aunt Carol and Uncle Jerry (or Uncle Dinosaur as Noah has now named him!)  Here and some pics from that trip!

Noah wearing Pops glasses

It was a dinosaur kind of trip!

Driving his first go-cart! Made me cry!

Playing on the huge bean bags at the Discovery Center

This is how we spent alot of mornings...cuddling with our babies

Discovery Center

SOOOOO Close to crawling!

We had wrestling matches all the time

4th of July outfit

With the hat

Get this thing off of me!!!!

The girls

Playing dinos with Uncle Jerry

Cousins!

As you can see we have a had blast of a summer so far....only two more trips to go :) And here is a video to grow on...this will always bring a smile to my heart and was by far my favorite part of the trip!

A letter to my younger self....

I have read alot of blogs lately that had the idea of writing a letter to their younger self... I thought this would be a fun (and hilarous) thing to do.  So here goes nothing!

Dear 18 year old Jenn, sup girl!  This is the future writing to share a few things.  You probably won't listen to a word I say because you are stubborn and hard headed and think you know EVERYTHING there is to know about the world but I feel like I should at least try to help....

At 18 you are finishing up high school and preparing for that last summer at home before going off to college.  You have applied at UNM (University near mom) because you have no clue what you want to do with your life.  You recently started dating a guy who you think could surly be the love of your life (not so fast there Jenny Sue!) Soooooo what do you decide to do??? Follow him and his two closest friends down to Las Cruces to attend New Mexico State...smartest decision of your life! 

You will date this guy seriously for the first couple of years of college.  You will join a sorority with your sister when you turn 19.  You will learn the ins and outs of what its like to be a genuine person and also how to fake it.  During your sophomore year you and this guy will break up for good (although you always seem to have your "hook ups" throughout the next couple of years.) You will feel jaded from being dumped by the love of your life.  I assure you, he is not the love of your life.  While he grows up to be a very decent man, he was douche in college. Seriously! (No offense dude!) 

You will casually date for the rest of college.  Do more of that.  Boyfriends are great, they give you that warm, fuzzy, secure feeling but you have a LONG time to be secure.  We are sitting in the eighth year of being with our husband and I will tell you that it's wonderful to cross that finish line but for the love of God have fun before you get there!  College is the only time in your life that you can act like that.  Once you graduate you will be expected to get a job and be a responsible adult (bleh!).  At no other point in your life will you be allowed to take afternoon naps after your one class of the day (that most of the time you don't go to because you are too hung over to get your butt out of bed), get dressed in a super skanky outfit, drink too much and pass out in random rooms in your dorm while making out with some guy you meet "across the boarder".  These types of actions are typically frowned upon in the "adult" world.  Please note that I am not encouraging you to sleep around I am just telling you to be smart and have some fun.  At an appropriate parenting age you will have two beautiful children and will greatly appreciate being able to pee without a burning sensation.

And while we are on the subject of men, please be more careful with our heart.  There are 100 douche bags out there for one decent guy.  Don't sell yourself short you deserve better.  The d-bags are super cute and very exciting but that kind of fun can only be sustained for a short period of time.  Learn to realize when the party has ended and leave before your heart gets trampled on.  Too many tears are shed as a result of these a-holes.  Not worth your time Jenn!

But there will be ONE that is....and after a successful long-distance relationship we will marry him and it will be the best and most fun wedding you have ever attended (of course!)  Do us a favor though...be patient with him.  Don't expect him to be perfect....especially after our first child is born.  He tries his best.  He is a wonderful father and adding a baby to your relationship will prove incredably difficult.  Anyone who thinks that having a baby will save their relationship is an idiot.  You will often consider killing the baby, yourself or your husband all in one breath!  Restrain please it gets better.  

Flip through those stacks of old photos you have.  See all those smiling girlfriends?  A vast majority of them will remain good friends and have a kick ass dance party at our wedding.  We will have these ladies in our life for a very long time and I am very happy to tell you not much has changed over the years.  Encourage and nuture these relationships for they pull you through rough waters.  As you get married and have babies you will need these women to catch you when you stuble, and you will stumble trust me on this!  In fact I would say some days get pretty bad.  I don't want to spoil the end of the book but the whole marriage and mom thing is not as easy as you thought it may be.  Call your friends and don't be ashamed to ask for help and advice.  You would do the same for them in a heartbeat and they love you for this.

Be nicer to your parents.  They really want what is best for you and you finally realize this when you have kids of your own.  I don't know how else to explain it to you, other then you just have to blindly trust that your parents will be a huge support for you later.  Your kids will adore them and through their eyes you will realize they were amazing parents (yes even your silly dad is pretty great too)  Be especially nice to your mom.  Once you become one you'll know why this is crtical to follow.  No one will ever love you like your mother does.

Even as I write down this advice I really don't want much to change.  Friends and family will always be the most important to you and with my great advice those bonds can only grow stronger.  Our parents will still love us despite being a raging bitch at times.  Those waste of space guys and those who truly touch a part of your heart will make you a better mom and wife and make you a more confident person that our husband falls in love with.  We grow into a pretty kick ass person....just dont screw it up!

Questions to ask my monsters I mean children :)

Dear Grace and Noah,

Mommy has some questions for you that I would love some answers to....

Grace you are first!

1. Do you realize when you a pitch a fit to eat the food on MY plate that it's the exact same thing on your plate?  Seriously its the exact same! Nothing special for me.  I'm not depriving you of something glorious I PROMISE!

2. Why do you find it necessary to squirm and reach for anything and everything when I'm trying to change your diaper? Especially when it's a poopy diaper...I don't want that shit (literally) on my hands thank you very much!

3. Why must you put every little thing that you find on the ground into your mouth??? I mean seriously I'm pretty sure cat hair is not a staple in your diet!

4. Why do you laugh at every single thing that your brother does? Seriously stop encouraging him :)

5. Why do you insistent on pulling my hair as hard as your can when it is down? Or grabbing my face or my eyes (they don't come off trust me!)

6. Why do you cry at the top of your lungs and then when I say Grace I'm right here smile that big smile?

7. And last but not least....Do you understand how much I love you?  Are you happy? Do you miss me and daddy when you are at school?

And now on to Noah!

1. Why do you put up a fight every single night at bedtime? Is it really that bad to lay down in a comfortable bed and peacefully fall asleep?

2. Why do you lust after toys and then when the toy is purchased for you, you suddenly lose interest?

3. Why are you suddenly DYING of thirst the moment I have poured a drink for myself and had a seat?

4. Why do you play with your penis 24/7!  Its ALWAYS going to be there you don't have to keep checking for it!

5. Why is volume control such a difficult concept for you to understand? I CAN HEAR YOU!

6. Why is it you can do endless laps around the house but the moment I ask you to help clean up you are suddenly reduced to a pile of mush on the floor who can no longer walk?

7. And last but not least do you know how incrediably sensitive and kind you are when you want to be?  Do you know how very proud I am to be your mom? Do you know how happy you make me?

Mi Vida Loca

So Gracie is almost a year old. I can't believe we are getting to that stage. But some days I don't even feel like I know her yet. I have an amazing relationship with Noah. Now that he is 3.5 he can tell me what he wants and how he feels. He can tell me jokes and say that he loves me. He is quirky and sweet and knows just how to push my buttons to drive me crazy. At ten months old our Grace is an amazing baby. She is so happy and joyful to be around. And if you ask me just the most adorable thing EVER! I love her. I love to take care of her and dote on her. But the way I feel is somehow different then I did with Noah. Some of the excitement has worn off and I feel like it's a struggle daily to maintian the wonder I once felt when I held my firstborn in my arms.

I know that Grace doesn't know what is means to be a little person yet. She is so calm and mild-mannered that at times we forget she is even in the room. Except I don't want to forget. I want to know her like I knew Noah. I want her to know me....I remember when Noah was this age. Everything and everyday was devoted to learning about him, entertaining him and teaching him new things. These days my attention is divided. I feel guilty about this but I know this is how it has to be when there is more then one child. Not even Noah gets that kind of one on one attention anymore. And that is ok...different and hard at times but ok. I just want to make sure that I know Gracie like I knew Noah. I hope we are getting there....

I wonder if this is normal? Perhaps the fact that we have done this before has had an affect on me. These "firsts", while there are still first for Grace they are not first for me as a mother. And that to me seems horribly unfair to her. To think that our first child got all the excitment of new parents and all the applause and googly eyes we had to offer from not only from us but his grandparents as well. Gracie on the other hand gets a mom who is tired and frazzled and counting down the hours till naptime. And grandparents that have done this before... This just doesn't seem right. But at the same time I hold on to hope that someday we will just click.

I have been trying hard to make an effort to be present in the moments with both of my kids because I feel like I get busy and I forget that these two amazing human beings are just here, watching my every move and trusting me to show them the world. I say I am making an effort because I do have to make myself do it. So often its easy to yell over my shoulder to wait a second or just yell instructions because I'm too busy to look up. Too BUSY! Geez Jenn really! Adjusting to life with two kids is happening everyday whether I like it or not. Some days are of course busier then others. I just pray that our children will know that we value not only hard work but also making great memories together. I want them to reall know me because I spent their childhood treating them to moments of my undivided attention. I want to know them.

I can’t believe almost a whole year has gone by. In many ways, I have been in a fog trying to figure all of this out. Trying to be in the moment. Trying to forget other moments. But we are doing it. And I adore both of my kids and their daddy. This little family is the thing that keeps me going and the thing that stops me in my tracks. We are adjusting because honestly, what other choice do we have? We are not perfect. We are not a storybook, but our story is just that, ours. And I am beyond grateful to be a part of it.

10 months

Always talking

Dear Gracie,

You are 10 months old today! Where has the time gone!  I feel like for the longest time I was wishing this year away because it is such a big and crazy adjustment going from one to two kids, but I look back and realize just how much I have tried to treasure each moment that I get to spend with you and watch you grow.  Your personality is really shining through now.  You are pretty layed back compared to your brother BUT you will tell us with a loud scream when you want our attention.  It makes me laugh everytime because you do this fake cry thing and as soon as I say "whats wrong Gracie" you give this huge smile.  You are too cute sometimes!

Not much has changed since last month except that you now have 4 top teeth!  Its been a rough couple of weeks for you but you were such a trouper!  4 teeth at one time!!! WOW!  You are rolling and scooting all over the place and just this morning you got to your knees and starting rocking.  You will be crawling anyday now and I am so proud of you little girl!!!

You laugh all the time and it's the best sound ever!  You laugh at daddy when he kisses you and laugh all the time at your brother who is constantly trying to entertain you.  Its going to be an interesting household with two Leos fighting for attention!

Your daddy and I love to watch you explore and become excited about the littlest things.  You bring such great joy to our home and have completed our little family just right!  We love you our little Gracie Poo

Love Mommy

PS You have slept through the night since the day you turned 9 months old...I am in HEAVEN :P

This is the beautiful smile and facial expressions that make her so sweet!

The tricky thing called guilt....

Guilt seems to go hand in hand with being a mother. You feel guilty that you are not feeding your kid right, they're not getting enough or too much stimulation, that you are making mistakes that will turn your child into an axe wielding maniac when they're older. It's just crazy. I know it is not possible to completely erase guilt from my life but here are some things I absolutely refuse to feel guilty about.


1. Not able to breastfeed. Noah never got the hang of breastfeeding and even though I was pumping constantly, I would only get 1oz at a time. My body just didn't work how it should... So we switched him to formula. I cried for days about this. I was a terrible mom who couldn't even do this one thing for my child. If this was how parenthood was then I will pass. BUT My little guy went from screaming every time he ate to a more happy consistent eater. Sure breast is best and if you are able to then rock on with it. But if you can't, get over it and move on. I did just that with Grace. I tried...she was a great latcher but once again my milk was not consistent This time I said oh well and I didnt fret. I knew she woul be ok...breastfed or not..

2. Being a nazi about your kid's nap. I took a lot of crap from other people about my reluctance to mess with my kids naptime. I was told so many times that they will "learn to deal with sleeping while you're out". Well sorry, no. They didn't learn to deal with it and I ended up with a cranky over tired baby who didn't want to sleep at all. So I got pretty strict about naps. They both took naps in the crib. It didn't happen right away but we ended up with a pretty easy going babies who slept well 95% of the time.

3. Moving my kids out of my room and into their cribs in record time (Noah lasted only 2 days in our room!) Before Noah was born, I planned on keeping him in our room until he was at least three months old. Well at 2 days old I was ready to get him in his own room. He wasn't sleeping well and neither was I. He would wake up to our alarms or just general movement and I would wake to his every noise. It wasn't healthy for either one of us. Many people love co sleeping and do it for years. If it works for your family, awesome. It just wasn't right for us.


4. Needing time away from my kids, This is pretty darn important for my sanity. Even before I had them, I cherished my alone time. It didn't change after they arrived. Granted, it's a lot less common now but it is still necessary. For the first few weeks of both of their lives I thought I had to be around them at every minute and it was really stressing me out. I wasn't taking care of myself like I should have been and things began to suffer. My depressions worsened and it was taking it's toll on my marriage. So I started taking some me time. I went to Target by myself, which is not a good idea if you're on a budget. I went to the spa. Doesn't matter what you do but you have to put you first sometimes.


5. Being a working mom. I will never feel gulty about this. I love my job and not many people can say that. I always tell my co-workers that going to work is like having a day off. I am a much better mommy to my two when I am happy in what I am doing...this includes having a job outside of the home. Those moms that can stay at home all day I admire. I could not do this...I need the adult interaction...the feeling of accomplishment more so then just being a mom.




Guilt is a tricky thing to deal with especially when being a mom...I feel guilt about something everyday but I have realized that its time to let go of some of those things and just enjoy motherhood (without the guilt!)

8 years....

Eight years ago today I put on a dress that I absolutely adored. Eight years ago today I married the most amazing man, the love of my life.

This was our beautiful site...Paako Ridge Golf Course

Our cake! I picked this right out of a magazine and the lady made it perfectly!

The crazy kids!

Some people look back on their wedding day and say "it was the happiest day of my life". I look back and say "we had one hell of a party but it's only gotten better from there". Daniel, I'm so proud to be your wife. Your love has made me a better person, a more confident person. The love and support you give me on a daily basis continue to surprise me because I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve someone like you. You're an amazing husband, friend, father, and partner in crime and every day I thank God that you are in my life. I look forward to traveling this crazy journey of life with you and instead of saying "here's to eight more", I'm saying "here's to 80 more". Happy anniversary, my love!

Currently...

Currently...

What I'm listening to... Gotye "Somebody I Used to Know"  Im obsessed literally obsessed.  I could listen to this song all day long...but Noah get annoyed after awhile :P

What I'm eating... Still on Weight Watchers so nothing good ;) JK I am eating lots of my favorite fresh veggies and my protien shake every morning.  I still want to lose another 10-15 pounds and I am hoping I can really focus on that this summer.  I need to work out more so I plan to make that a priority especially now that Daniel is no longer in school! YAY!

What I'm watching... Da Da Dora!  I would rather be watching Fashion Star or Greys but this keeps Noah quiet long enough for me to blog :)

Thinking about... cutting my hours back to a .6 at work.  It scares me to give up that extra day because you never know with APS but I miss my babies and as everyone keeps telling me they are only young once and you miss so much.  It's days like today that make me long for more time with them.  BUT then there are those days that I think to myself "man I wish I were at work it would be so much easier".  Im sure every mother feels this way at one time or another.  Thinking...just thinking...

Loving...  My backyard....its so peaceful and nice.  I am anxiously awaiting the mornings we can all sit out there and the kids can play and I can drink my coffee and just enjoy them.  

Anticipating... Summer....We are planning so many fun trips!  We are going to the cabin with a group of friends and their kids at the end of this month...then its off to Amarillo for Daniel's cousins engagement party...then two weeks with The Topleys and Duvalls in Phoenix swimming and working on our tan.  Also going to Amarillo again for the 4th and up to Denver for my friend Brents wedding.  We will also be spending our days at the splash park, the zoo and aquarium, the local parks and hanging with family.  Its going to be a busy but fun three months!

Feeling thankful for... my husband. He worked long and hard for his degrees and I couldn't be more proud (or more happy that it is over!) Now on to our new normal.  Oh and celebrating our 8 year anniversary this month should be a good time too.  I have a couple cool surprises for him!